My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
