she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
