She just used a chaser for red wine.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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