He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ttyl tear gas
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
