Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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