I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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