I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
