I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
