Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
