they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
