Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
