i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
