yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
