I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize