Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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