I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
