i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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