so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
