from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
