Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
