The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
