You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
