I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
