Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
