i just identified you from a description of your pipe
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i've created a new STD.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
