We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
