Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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