you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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