woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
