Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
