Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i think i just lost a toe
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