Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
