I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
