Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
