im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
