i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
