Where is the hickey?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
