i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
