i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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