The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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