he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
