sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
