Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
