So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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