We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he fucked my hip out of place.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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