You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
