Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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