Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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