He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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