I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
