I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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